In Which YamiMalik Stalks BloodEngel
by InactiveAnon
Summary: Based off a weird dream I once had. Read title. Oh no! Bob! Yami Malik KILLED Bob!
1. Chapter 1

**Rated: **PG** Genre: **Short Story/Humorous** Author: **BloodEngel **Written: **July 7, 2005

**In Which Yami Malik Stalks BloodEngel**

Summary: The story of a weird dream I once had…Read the Title. Oh no! Bob! I think Yami Malik KILLED Bob! Weeps Yami Malik: Why am I stalking u? BloodEngel: I dun no. Ask you in my dream… Yami Malik: Asks in a whisper and is answered in one as well Oh Yeah! BloodEngel: Well, Why! Yami Malik: Whispers answer BloodEngel: --" I have weird dreams.

Hey Ya! I'm bored and hyper, it's Thursday, July 07, 2005! I had a weird dream…This is how it went…Kinda.

**Chapter One:** In Which BloodEngel is Bored and Then Eventually Kidnapped!

One day BloodEngel was a very bored authoress. Very Bored. What was she doing? Being bored, you moron! No! No I didn't mean it, come back and read my fic. I'll change what I was doing! …BloodEngel was taking a walk in the park. And by park I mean she was at the Elementary School playground, by walking I mean she was swinging on the swings while laughing idiotically. Her sister shook her head. Her sister's boyfriend shook his head also. "Hey, what are you doing here!" Her sister asked her sister's boyfriend, her sister's boyfriend shrugged, "You never know when BloodEngel's gonna drag you into a fic." Another exact copy of BloodEngel appeared next to her sister's boyfriend, "That's right!" She exclaimed then thought about some random thing, "You guys are actually very important characters in my dream!"

"Awww." They both said.

"But here you're just going to be characters, See Ya!" Then they all disappeared. Well, I guess now we're set with BloodEngel…Let's see what the other main character mentioned in the title is doing.

Yami Malik stared from the bushes at the school, "I will get you," He said, "If it's the last thing I do." Then the psychopathic Yami stood up from where he was crouching in the bushes and put down his coal-coloured binoculars. For no particular reason the background changed to pink with cute red hearts…Eww. But that's not the only thing that changed; Yami Malik's voice became very sweet. "For only you can make my life complete! Ever since the moment I saw you I loved you so. You're so beautiful. I don't know what else I'm supposed to say, I really can't do romance." Then everything went back to normal…Well as normal as things can be in BloodEngel's fics.

"Whee! Hahahahha!" BloodEngel yelled as Yami Malik approached. Then she saw Yami Malik and graced him with an incredibly intelligent, "Hi." That was when Yami Malik stroke! Yes, he had a mini stroke because…Because he just did, all right. "Are you okay?" BloodEngel asked, "You look like your having a stroke."

"That's because he is!" Yami Bakura laughed and grabbed the chain on BloodEngel's swing, making her fly off and fall on her face…Owie. "Hey where'd you pop out of?"

"Come to think of it I don't know. Somewhere with lots of fire and brimstone."

"Wow!" BloodEngel responded, "I'd like to go there!" Yami Bakura nodded, "Yeah, It's so awesome. There's this guy, he's really cool!"

BloodEngel looked very happy for no apparent cause "What's his name? I think I know him!" She exclaimed. "Neh. Satan er something. You know him?"

"Naw, the guy I was thinking of is named Lucifer."

"Oh."

And at that moment Yami Malik stopped having a stroke and looked at BloodEngel talking to Bakura, "NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He screamed Luke Skywalker-Style "No one will take her from ME!" BloodEngel and Yami Bakura looked confused. That's because they were. You didn't see that coming now did you? Of course not! Yami Malik, still on a murderous rampage, head-butted Yami Bakura (with hair like that, its gotta hurt!) and took off running with BloodEngel swung over his shoulder. Yami Bakura groaned from pain, stood up and shrugged. Oh well. BloodEngel was always getting kidnapped anyway… Or was that someone else? Mokuba by villains? Him by FanGirls? Yugi by girl scouts? No, that can't be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:** In Which BloodEngel and Yami Malik Discuss Stuff and…Some Other Stuff Happens…

BloodEngel struggled in her bonds while a James Bond Movie played in the background. I have never really seen a James Bond Movie enough to tell you a plot or even name so I won't get into that any further. "All you have to do is say those three little words BloodEngel." Yami Malik reasoned quietly. "Never!" BloodEngel yelled, "I'll never submit to you!" Yami Malik shook his head sadly. "BloodEngel, I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this but…you leave me no choice."

"NNNNNNNOOOOOO!" BloodEngel wailed as Yami Malik started painting her room a very hot pink colour. "You MONSTER!" BloodEngel sobbed. When Yami Malik noticed BloodEngel's tears he stopped painting and looked over to her, "Oh, My dear, I never meant to make you feel sad…I just want _it_ so bad." BloodEngel coughed. Then Yami, Seto and Mokuba burst through the ceiling in an airplane, "AAAAAHHHHHHHHH! My room! Now it's even more messed up!"

"Staci!" Staci's…er, BloodEngel's mother yelled from downstairs, "I made you cookies!" BloodEngel whooped happily and cried "lunch break". "Yeah, Okay, All right." They all mumbled reasonably then they went down stairs where they all freaked the crap out of my mom and she fainted. After around Ten Minutes they all returned upstairs and continued where they left off. "Stop right there, Yami Malik! " Yami said courageously as Yami Malik laughed maniacally. "What? What is it?" Yami asked, confused. "You have chocolate on your face, you insolent Pharaoh!" BloodEngel shouted madly. "Ohh…"

After Yami had gotten all of the chocolate off his face he regained his heroic posture and continued with his traditional rescue speech. "Release BloodEngel or SUFFER THE CONSIQUENCES!" Yami Malik paused, "Why do you care anyway?" Now it was Yami's turn to pause, "You're right! Why do I care? She's never even written a fic where I'm the main character! Let's go Kiaba!" Seto rolled his eyes and began to take his plane out of BloodEngel's ceiling, "Wait!" BloodEngel whined, "I'll make you a fic! I promise! I'll do it! I'll do it!" Yami considered this a moment… "All right! Bring 'er down, Kiaba! …We've got a psycho to save." Kiaba sighed and Mokuba drank mocha…How sweet.

After the plane had been brought down onto the floor of BloodEngel's room Yami Malik stared blankly as Yami scooped BloodEngel up and shoved her into the plane as it left. After about five minutes of staring blankly Yami Malik shook his head and looked around, "Oh no! They've taken her! I WAS SO BUSY MEDITATING I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE!" At this point Yami Malik ran in circles screaming…Poor, poor Yami… Malik.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:** In Which Yami Eats Ice Cream and Yami Malik Proposes

After the incident at BloodEngel's house they all went out to get Ice Cream. Yay! Yami, BloodEngel and Mokuba sat down to eat at a table in the Ice Cream shop after ordering. Where was Kiaba? Oh he was looking for a place to park. Yes, they were in a 'No Helicopter Parking' Zone. I know its ridiculous. Then all the sudden Yami Malik burst through the door! He pointed squarely at BloodEngel…Then quickly walked over to the booth she was sitting at, dropped down on one knee and proposed. "BloodEngel, Will you marry me?"

"Whaaaa!" BloodEngel yelled in surprise as Kiaba's Helicopter ran into the Kiaba Corp. building through the window in the background. "I understand we don't know each other but if this is the only way, I'll do it! No more fooling around! You don't have a choice; it was just a rhetorical question! The wedding's on Sunday go find a dress, don't look for me, I'll kidnap you!" Yami Malik said in one breath then kissed BloodEngel on the cheek, slipped a HUGE rock on her finger and ran away. At this point in time BloodEngel fainted. Mokuba, who was eating mocha Ice Cream and Yami, who was eating bubble gum and swallowing the gum left and were Never Seen Again.

Three hours latter Kiaba rushed in with a bandage on his head, "Ugh. Mokuba, You'll never believe what happened! Wait what am I saying you'll believe anything! But ya know how I went out to park the Helicopter…" Then he realized the only person he recognized in the shop was an unconscious BloodEngel. "What the freak!" He exclaimed just as BloodEngel awoke, "Oh-My-Gosh!" She yelled hysterically, sounding very Out of Character. "Yami Malik just proposed to me!" Kiaba heard this…and fainted. But BloodEngel could care less, she quickly ran out the store, buried the ring in her backyard, said hi to Bob, bought a Black wedding dress, realized she didn't need it, tried to return it, learned it wasn't returnable, then brought it home and put it in her closet.

"I can't believe this!" She said quietly to Bob, a gnomish speaking hobo-dwarf that looked like he belonged in the Rated 'R' version of Snow White. He slept in a cage in BloodEngel's room; he was currently resting there as BloodEngel fumbled around on her bed. "SnoisiseD Drah." Bob responded quickly. "I know, I know. I should just do it and get it over with but… but… Waaaahhhhh!" BloodEngel started to cry and Bob sighed and threw his dwarf-shoe at her head. "Thanks Bob." She sniffled happily, "I really needed that."

"Mah evah i nac?" Bob exclaimed and BloodEngel looked thoughtful, "Yes Bob. You may have food today." Bob jumped for joy but instead got pain since he hit his head on his cage. "And you can have a nice bowl of concrete too if you be the guard of the Backyard when I go to prom…All I need to do is find someone to take me." Three seconds latter the doorbell rang and BloodEngel answered it because her mom was still unconscious. It was Ryou! "Hi Ryou."

"Hello, Mate! What are you doing?"

"I'm plotting about which poor soul is gonna take me to prom and how to avoid marrying Yami Malik!"

"Wow!" Ryou exclaimed, "May I be that poor soul who goes to prom with you? Yami Bakura will be mad but you two can cause trouble if he possesses me again."

"Excellent." BloodEngel said in a very Mr. Burns-ish Manner as she slammed the door on Ryou. "See ya at seven! Cherio!" Said a faint voice with an English accent from behind the door. Well that solved that problem…But since when does BloodEngel have Prom?


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:** In Which Yami Malik is Jealous and Eats…Wait when does that happen?

It was Friday, the day of the Prom and two days before BloodEngel's unauthorized wedding. BloodEngel had seemingly forgotten about the wedding and was at this time wearing her black wedding dress (Which wasn't **too** fancy. She fit right in.) and dancing the Waltz with Ryou. Yep, everything was just dandy…Until Yami Malik spontaneously showed up after he'd paid a visit to her house only to learn that his future bride wasn't there! …But her mom fainted again. Yami Malik seethed at the two, wearing a black and white tuxedo. (Ryou was wearing white and blue!) Then he grabbed a Masquerade mask that looked like the Phantom of the Opera's that had been conveniently placed in the air for him. The mask had magical powers that made him unrecognizable.

He put it on and walked up to the dancing pair, "May I cut in?" He asked, pushing Yami Bakura (Who switched places with Ryou after they began doing the Salsa) away and seizing BloodEngel. Yami Bakura was mad because he'd just been disrespected but shrugged it off because he had no feelings for BloodEngel other than the feeling that her wanted her to die. Then he went off to spike the punch.

By now the disguised Yami Malik and the confused BloodEngel were dancing some weird classical slow dance. They danced for a long time. That's when Yami Malik noticed BloodEngel no longer had her ring! "What did you do with your ring!" He exclaimed as BloodEngel suddenly woke up…Yes, she had been sleeping while dancing. "How did you know!" She said dumbly then realized something…The mask! If she took it off all would be revealed!

For the next few seconds everything went Phantom of the Opera and BloodEngel grabbed the mask and pulled it off. Yami Malik's face was revealed and the crowd gasped. Using his powers of "Eviiiiil" Yami Malik made a chandelier fall and BloodEngel recognized him as the psycho he was! But then he ran off with her over his shoulder again. "Oh no!" Ryou yelled, switching, "The school magically has a chandelier now…And it's falling on me!"

Joey popped out of nowhere with Mai. Joey and Mai were still dressed in their casual clothes. "What the?" Joey asked with BloodEngel's sister's boyfriend's voice, "I'm in a different body!" Mai gasped in BloodEngel's Sister's voice, "Look at my cleavage!" She yelled folding her arms to hide herself.

"That's not the point of anything!" Yelled the BloodEngel copy that we met before in Chapter One. "You guys have to save me or else terrible things will happen! Help me Obi-One Conobi, You're my only hope!" Joey looked offended, "If he's your only hope why don't you ask him to save you!" BloodEngel #2 fell to her knees and sobbed, "I tried calling him but he didn't answer!" Joey and Mai looked at each other and shrugged, "Good enough for me."

"Now let's go! Wonder Twin powers…Activate!(got that from Family Guy)" Joey exclaimed. "Uh, Hun." Mai said, exasperated "Yeah?"

"Wrong show." Joey blushed and got out of his pose, "Oh. Right."

"Sailor Moon Cosmic Power!" Joey and Mai yelled as they did a little dancing transformation-thing. Next thing they knew they looked kinda like Sailor Moon…But they were still themselves. "All right! Let's go" Joey/BloodEngel's Sister's Boyfriend that just looks like Joey said annoyingly. Mai/BloodEngel's sister nodded, "Right!"

Using some kind of "Double Moon Transport" thing they arrived at a grocery store near BloodEngel's house where they found candy and ate it…Mmmm. Then they transported once again and they were about a block away from BloodEngel's house.

"Umm…If you keep capturing me why don't you take me to a secret hide-out instead of my house?" BloodEngel asked while being carried. Yami Malik stopped, "Gee, I hadn't thought of that. You know BloodEngel, I wasn't quite sure of this whole marriage thing before but now I think I'm okay with it. I sat around all day and thought to myself, 'Am I really doing the right thing? For the right reasons?' And now I see it doesn't matter…So we're all happy!" BloodEngel fell asleep somewhere during this speech so Yami Malik woke her up because she was drooling on his shoulder.

"Stop right there, Villain!" Yelled Sailor Moon-Joey. "We stand for Love, Truth, and Saving BloodEngel so she will reward us with a golden chicken egg!" Yami Malik gasped, "Sailor-Joey-Moon!"

"That's right," Mai said in her Sailor Moon form as well, she motioned for Joey to join her in her speech "We are…The Sailor Yu-Gi-Oh Characters!" Yami Malik smiled, "Impressive. But no match for…" He roughly dropped BloodEngel on the ground and did a Power Ranger transformation. "Yami Malik--- Powers of Darkness---TRANSFORM!" He then became a black and purple ranger. "Oh gowsh." Mai said, "I think I'm going to puke." Joey nodded his head in agreement, "Yeah. Never wear tight spandex again." He made a puking sound. "What!" Yami Malik exclaimed loudly, "You're wearing a friggin' skirt!"

"Yeah," Joey responded, "But at least it looks good on me."

Yami Malik's eyes became full of tears and he ran away crying…Okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: **In Which BloodEngel Runs Home

"Owie." BloodEngel stated smartly while rubbing her head and getting up off the ground. It seems Yami Malik ran away…But to where? Oh well! Then BloodEngel ran to her house for no reason and Joey and Mai ran after her to claim their golden chicken egg. When BloodEngel reached her house she rang the doorbell…Nobody answered. She rang again…Still no answer. She rang the doorbell rapidly while yelling and screaming and guess what? NO ONE ANSWERED! At this point BloodEngel began to panic; she grabbed onto the doorknob and pulled as hard as she could. She couldn't open the door. Then she began screaming and yelling and running up the door, on the roof, then back down again. Up the door, on the roof, then back down again. Up the door, on the roof, then back down again. Up the door, on the roof, then back down again… Why don't we go check up on some one else?

Checking up on someone else

The weird alien named ET made it's finger glow; "ET Phone home.' It said freakily…

All right that's it! Let's check on someone who DOESN'T belong in a mental institution!

Joey and Mai ran after BloodEngel, they were about to stop her in her quest of running and defying gravity until they noticed something in the bushes…Yami Malik! "Staci!" Mai yelled, using BloodEngel's real name, "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" BloodEngel looked behind her, to Mai and Joey…Then fell in the bushes. "NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!" Joey yelled as BloodEngel fell in slow motion. And at the last second a giant eagle swooped down, grabbed BloodEngel then flew away.

Joey and Mai sighed as Yami Malik went into the back yard to go and plot; but little did he know a certain dwarf named Bob was there…Being a guard for a bowl of concrete…

But we'll get to that latter. Right now we're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Not really. BloodEngel's being carried away by a giant eagle! "Where are you taking me?" she yelled to the bird, Hah! She actually expects it to answer! Birds can't talk everyone knows tha-"To 'Never Seen Again'! Where you banished Yami and Mokuba after they left you at the Ice Cream Parlor with your evil authoress powers!" BloodEngel gasped, "No! No, I won't let you!" She said in a very childish voice. "You don't have a choice!" The eagle yelled as it laughed maniacally. "Oh yeah!" BloodEngel threatened.

"Yeah!"

"Oh Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"Well take this, you jerk!" BloodEngel yelled and summoned Dark Magician Girl to beat the crap out of the eagle and return her to her house…And also give her a house key.

When BloodEngel returned to the doorstep of her house she saw that Joey and Mai were waiting for her, "All right guys, I've got the house key!" They all cheered and gave each other high-fives. Then a thought went through BloodEngel's mind. "Say, where's Yami Malik?"

"Oh he went into the backyard to plot."

"Oh all right." She said without a worry then realized what they'd just said, "What!"

"HE…WENT…INTO…THE…BACKYARD…TO…PLOT!" Joey repeated. BloodEngel went down on her knees and looked up, "Why!" She yelled to the roof, "Why!" Mai and Joey were confuzzled. "What's wrong?" Mai asked. "B-B-BOB!" BloodEngel stuttered sadly. "Oh no! Bob!" Joey yelled, immediately understanding. You see Yami Malik HATES little people…He hates Yugi, Munchkins, Leprechauns, Sailor Mini Moon, Mini Me, ALL OF THEM! If he gets the chance he'll kill them. "Bob…He's probably already dead…"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:** In Which Pirates Attack

"Arrr!" Yelled a voice on a floating boat, "All hail CAPTAIN HOOK!" BloodEngel, Joey and Mai all stared at the weird looking pirate and a very different looking captain Hook. First of all he had no hook, second…Well, there is nothing else. But still! He was very strange! "Arrr!" Said the captain, then jumped off the ship and grabbed BloodEngel. Here we go again…

Joey and Mai then didn't matter anymore so they disappeared. Yami Malik walked out of the backyard with the wedding ring and in his hand and one of Bob's boots in his hair. Yes, Bob was dead…

Yami Malik saw the familiar pirate ship and jumped on because he knew BloodEngel would be there.

BloodEngel sat, tied up to a chair while Captain Hook sat not tied up on another chair. "Give _it_ to us!" The captain yelled and BloodEngel shook her head; "_It's_ mine! You can't have _it_! MINE!" The captain narrowed his eyes, "Fine!" He turned to his crew, "Take _it_ from her!" BloodEngel began to sob and struggle in the ropes that held her…This was it. It had all been for NOTHING!

The least likely thing happened then. Yami Malik came in, untied BloodEngel and made a break for it. The two were soon safe on the ground after falling off the gondola. The captain and his crew stared stupidly…Then their ship ran into Kiaba Corp. That's two Kiaba Corp. Crashes for ya, folks.

**At this point you may write an answer to one question. **

**Write your answer is the review.**

**Thank You. Take Your Time. You May Begin.**

**QUESTION:** Why IS Yami Malik Stalking BloodEngel!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:** In Which BloodEngel Gives Up and Surrenders to Yami Malik 

After the two landed safely on the ground BloodEngel sighed. "Now we can put this whole thing behind--- Gah!" Yami Malik pounced on BloodEngel, "Give-_It_-To-Me!" He said from between gritted teeth. "N-Never!"

"I'll get _it_ whether you like it of not!"

"Nooo!"

"Come-on-just-a little-farther!"

"Ugh."

"Got it!"

"Awwww. I give up! I'm going home!"

Just then, as BloodEngel got up off the ground sirens and search lights showed, "BloodEngel!" Yugi yelled from Kiaba's airplane. Ryou suddenly showed up, "We're here to save you from Yami Malik's shameful LUST!"

"Lust!" BloodEngel mimicked, "Wait a minute; You thought…Ahahhhahahahahaa! That's hilarious!" Ryou frowned. Yami Malik was very confused, "What? What did they think!"

"They thought you were in love with me and that's why you were stalking me!"

"AHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHA! ME! In LOVE! Hahahahhahhahaaa!"

"But I don't get it." Yugi stated, "Why did you do all that you did?" Yami Malik grinned and held up a bag of Skittles, "This is why! I wanted BloodEngel's Skittles! Hahahahha!" Ryou paused. "All of this…For a bag of Skittles? But then why the marriage proposal?"

"If I marry her she HAS to share EVERYTHING she owns with me!"

"But what about your words in Chapter Two?"

"_All you have to do is say those three little words BloodEngel." Yami Malik reasoned quietly._

"The three little words were: Have My Candy."

The heroes hit themselves in the face, Yep they should've asked BloodEngel why Yami Malik was stalking her…The answer would have been completely believable.

**If You Can't Tell This is Where It Ends…**


End file.
